Be honest with your own physical and technical attributes and have your training partner do the same! I for instance am a 6’1”, 185 pound male. If I go with a 110 pound female, I am going to acknowledge the fact that I can hit harder in sparring and am stronger while rolling. What should I do in this situation? Dial back my physical attributes to the point where the playing field is even and work my technical game, without making it blatantly obvious. Is there a chance I am going to get hit/submitted by doing this? Yes. Is that okay? Yes.
If you go 100% and always try to “win” without thinking about your training partner’s specific goals or physical/technical attributes, you will soon find yourself with a very small group of people, maybe even nobody that will want to train with you. Everyone will be hurt or simply avoid you so they don’t get hurt. This is especially true when rank comes into play. This leads us to our final points.
I caution you to avoid “Upper Belt Syndrome.” You know, when you think that just because you are an upper belt that a lower belt isn’t going to tap you, or, the other way around. Or, you think that just because they are a higher belt than you that you can go 100% and try and kill them. Regardless of their physical attributes like size, age, etc. Remember, the belt is often a blinder to people who don’t want to admit the truth when it comes to physical attributes. Treat the 65 year old brown belt the same way you would treat a 65 year old blue belt with the same attributes. Sure they have more knowledge but that doesn’t give you the right to try and kill them, even if they have a higher belt.
I’ll leave you with this: be honest with yourself and the training partner you have in front of you. Don’t let the belt/experience level intimidate you into thinking you or your partner is “better.” Don’t ignore the Attribute Equation. Instead, look at the person you have in front of you. Are they smaller than you? Okay then, don’t use all your strength. Are they older than you? Okay, be aware that they might not be as flexible and limber as someone younger. Are they a lot bigger than you? Okay, maybe don’t use all your speed. However, do look forward to the times when technical and physical attributes align. It leads to extremely exciting rolls and sparring sessions! Look forward to training with people who are not in your “division” but also look forward to training with people who are!
Lastly, if you find yourself on the other end of the rope and someone is going too fast or too hard, etc., and you are worried about your physical safety you should never, EVER feel embarrassed or think it is not okay to tell them to slow/calm down. Albeit this can feel a little humiliating, especially if you are the upper belt asking the lower belt to chill out. If someone tells YOU to chill out/slow down/go lighter, don’t be offended or think less of them. Also, don’t think that it means you are the almighty and have just dominated them. There are almost always factors (attributes) at play that you are not recognizing. The “it’s not you, it’s me” line comes to mind. Be respectful in such a situation and dial it back!
Some situations may present themselves where you feel it is inappropriate to bring it up to the person during training. If this happens, don’t feel like it is tattling to go to your instructor and tell them that someone needs to dial it back a bit and is going to/did hurt someone. In most cases the instructor will already have an eye on someone like this and will or has already talked to them. It is better to inform the senior instructor of this rather than pouting to yourself or complaining to fellow students or just flat out not wanting to train with that particular person. In my gym everyone trains with everyone, and we all benefit because of it.
In the end, educating your training partners will help you and your gym retain ALL training partners which ultimately makes the entire gym better!
Train “WITH” Your Partner, Not “ON” Your Partner
